Day 12

I really wanted to get this posted today. So let me just throw down some of my meeting tour de nassau county meeting. Today November 1st a sunday I have already been to the 9:00 am at Congegation Beth Sholom 315 Roosevelt Blvd in Long Beach and tonight I'll be at The gift of serenity at Saint James Church 858 Roosevelt Street in franklin square at 6:30.

I don't like either of these meetings. This morning I was by far the youngest in the room. Barely identified to anything that was said and minus a couple of well groomed cougars in the room I'd say it was a loss. There's low lighting and a crazy. Almost every meeting I've gone to anywhere there's always one crazy. Yes we are all crazy, deviant, degenerate, sometimes criminal alcoholics. But almost always there's one person that isn't following any social norms to keep face. You can spot him or her by there nervious twitch, talking to themselves, or straight up sharing in a language that's a mix of muppet, ebonics, and retard. I hate it when they share. I understand this is a safe place where sick people go to get well but essentially as a bear minimum I expect to get out of my own personal cycle of crazy for an hour and I find that when a "crazy" speaks, all I want to do is stand up and with my deepest DMX voice say "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Quite unsober.

Not like I have anything better to do today. To be honest anything to keep me away from a drink is good. I'm thirsty. Technically I'm not thirsty. I'm bewildered, confused, self-loathing, angry, tired, hungry, lonely, anxious, and impulsive. The last two, anxious and impulsive are the biggest threats to my sobriety. Mostly cause I don't tell anyone about them and tend to isolate as a habit from all that other crap. It's bad. I don't know what to do. Or I do know what to do and would rather perpetuate my misery by being alone and letting these thoughts cycle through my brain. I'll go to these meetings though. It worked once, it'll work again. In the near future I'll post a cross section of how to rate these meetings. I loved Garden City, loved it, looked forward to going to the meetings if I didn't have anything else to look forward to. So far Port Washington on Thursday is the only one that I've seen that rivals it. But that's a blog for thursday.

Things to accomplish today before the 6:30 meeting
Clean
Rearrange the furniture
Brainstorm 100 scenes